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The Perils Of Live Music

Have you ever been excited to see a concert by one of your favorite bands, only to have the experience ruined by others in attendance? You know what I’m talking about. There’s always that one person (sometimes groups of people) that completely flush concert etiquette down the toilet and just act like a fuckwad the entire night. It’s happened to all of us and sadly, it’s just an unfortunate by product of seeing live music. Always has been, always will be.

In celebration of the upcoming summer concert season and the multitude of douchebags you’re sure to encounter, we’ve compiled a list of the 5 most uncalled for and annoying behaviors found at concerts. When it happens to you this summer, don’t say we didn’t warn you:

1. The Archivist:

Everyone likes to see a good picture. The key phrase in that last sentence is “good” alright? Since the takeover of smartphones, everyone suddenly thinks they are fucking Annie Leibovitz and try to  document the entire show with either video or pictures. Not cool. Look, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that your Iphone 5 is gonna shit out pictures that don’t even look that great. Seriously, put that fucking thing away and just enjoy the show. Recently, things have gotten out of control with this. I saw a guy trying to get his tripod set up to film with his camera. Let this sink in for a minute………a tripod. I won’t sit here and tell you not to take a picture or two during the show, but enough with attempting to archive the entire fucking thing. By doing it, you only look like a douche to people behind you and even the band.

2. The Hugger(s):

At a general admission show, most people try to get as close to the stage as possible. That’s cool. What’s not cool is when some fucking mongoloid brings his 4’10” girlfriend along for the ride at a metal show he stands behind her, hugging her in an iron-clad embrace right in front of the pit. Anytime you bump him or slightly nudge him (which you will at a heavy show) he shoots you a look of disgust, like your trying to sexually assault his lady or question his manhood. Not cool. Sorry, but if you wanna hang out and dry hump, just do it in the back by the merch booth.

3. The Wet Bear:

There’s always a handful of guys that love to take their shirts off when their at a show. Most of the time, it’s not that big of a deal, but inevitably, there’s always that one dude that neglected to groom or shower for the last year or so. You know who I’m talking about. He’s usually about 6’3″, chunky around the middle and has more hair on his back than on his head. Oh, and he smells worse than a bear that’s been rolling around in its own shit all winter. Fucking gross. For whatever reason, this guy always rips off his shirt, gets all slimey with sweat and rubs against EVERYONE AROUND HIM!!! So. Gross.

4. The Smoker:

There’s nothing worse than getting stuck next to the old hesher that has smoked so much weed that he’s got no idea where he is or what he’s watching. The only thing this dude gives a shit about is smoking his weed. By the time time the headlining band comes on, he’s smoked at least three bowls, and that was just a warmup. Dude is gonna get reeeeeeaaalllllyyyy fucked up, and he’s gonna make sure he tells you all about it. He’s gonna continually offer you a hit off his endless supply of ratty ass joints, but no matter how many times you politely decline, he will keep trying to pass it on.

5. The Playboy:

Being a guy, I’ve thankfully never had to experience the creepiness of The Playboy. We all know who I’m talking about here. This guy is the lowest of the low of live music urchins. He’s the gnarly little dude that stalks around the venue alone chatting up random chicks and dancing all up on em. He’s the gross dude who’ll try to cop a feel of some boobies when a girl crowdsurfs. Yup. Everyone wishes that guy would just stay home and rub one out while listening to the music he would see live, but he insists on fucking things up for cute girls everywhere. Thankfully, most guys are pretty cool and will beat the snot outta this dude when he tries to cop some unwarranted front butt action.

What did we miss here? What kind of stupid shit have you seen people do at a concert? Let us know in the comments section below or connect with Gutter Bubbles on Facebook or Twitter!

Twitter: @Gutter_Bubbles

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About the author:
Has 290 Articles

I am absolutely and unabashedly in love with music. If I could eat a huge bowl of songs for breakfast every morning, I totally would. I'm obsessive about categorization (don't mess with my chronological or alphabetical) and can't stand an unorganized iTunes library. Outside of music and writing, I love baseball (go Rockies), coffee, corgi's and going on fun trips with my girlfriend!


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