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Gutter Bubbles Guide to the Grammys 2013

When I woke up this morning, I wanted to write a piece about what makes music connect with people. More importantly, what is it that makes rock music “dangerous.” Is there an element that needs to be included? Is there and “X” factor?

Then I realized that tonight is the Grammys! Why should I attempt to intellectualize rock n roll when instead, I could write about the most coveted (and vapid) awards show for music. Seems like a no-brainer right?

Admittedly though, I am somewhat out of touch with modern music. I keep up on singles and pop-culture tidbits from most of the artists featured tonight, but I am fairly certain that I wouldn’t bother to check out 75% of the bullshit that’s featured on tonight’s show. That being said, I think it would be fun to pick the winners for some of the biggest categories tonight and give my reasoning behind it. My winner in each category will be highlighted in bold.  Who knows, maybe I’m like a Grammy wizard and I’ll correctly pick all the winners for the night! So lets get on with the picks and see how I do.

1. Record of the Year:

  • “Lonely Boy” from El Camino by The Black Keys
  • “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
  • “We Are Young” from Some Nights by Fun.
  • “Somebody That I Used To Know” from Making Mirrors by Gotye (Winner)
  • “Thinkin Bout You” from Channel Orange by Frank Ocean
  • “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: Is there anyone on the face of the earth that didn’t hear this song at least once? And honestly, it’s a pretty damn good song, let alone record (even though this track sounds like a Phil Collins song to me.)

Day After Reaction: BOOYAH!! Called that one. I’m actually really happy that this won record of the year. I feel like this was the only logical choice on the list. Maybe the Grammy voters are gonna get things right this year….

2. Album of the Year:

  • El Camino by the Black Keys
  • Some Nights by Fun.
  • Babel by Mumford & Sons (Winner)
  • Channel Orange by Frank Ocean
  • Blunderbuss by Jack White

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: Why am I picking El Camino to win Album of the Year? I dunno. I like everything (except Mumford) on this list, but I feel like The Black Keys should win something…so why not this.

Day After Reaction: …Or not. What the fuck? Really? Leave it up to the Grammys to select the only record on the list that shouldn’t win, then give it an award. I really don’t get this. Don’t the voters realize that Mumford & Sons already released this album a few years ago. Their probably gonna release it again in a few years. Total one trick pony music. I think I might barf.

3.  Song of the Year:

  • “The A Team” by Ed Sheeran
  • “Adorn” by Miguel
  • “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen
  • “Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) by Kelly Clarkson
  • “We Are Young” by Fun. (Winner)

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: OK, so picking Ed Sheeran to win this is a stretch. I had never heard this song until this morning. It’s not a bad track, but there is really nothing that makes it stand out. Why am I picking it then? Cause Ed Sheeran is a ginger. From my recollection, I can’t think of any redhead that’s won a Grammy (aside from Danny Elfman.) Is Sheeran’s song the best? No. But us redheads need to stick together.

Day After Reaction: I’m alright with Fun. winning this award. It’s a good enough song for what it is.

4.  Best New Artist:

  • Alabama Shakes
  • Fun. (Winner)
  • Hunter Hayes
  • The Lumineers
  • Frank Ocean

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: Frank Ocean deserves to win this award for a few reasons. First (and foremost) his record Channel Orange is a fantastic album. Secondly, he deserves to win for having the bravery to come forward about his sexuality earlier this year. Especially being in Hip-Hop, that took a ton of courage on his part. Fuck it, I say Frank Ocean should just get all the awards.

Day After Reaction: The only group that could’ve won this award over Frank Ocean would have been Fun. And they did. Why is it that the Grammy voters consistently select the second best on a list?

5. Best Rock Performance:

  •  “Hold On” by Alabama Shakes
  • “Lonely Boy” by The Black Keys (Winner)
  • “Charlie Brown” by Coldplay
  • “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons
  • “We Take Care Of Our Own” by Bruce Springsteen

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: God, it pains me to pick this as the winner. This is the new standard for “rock” music now? Really? Whatever. People fucking love these guys though. Check out this video for them rocking through this turd of a song at Red Rocks. I mean, c’mon…headbanging with a banjo? Whatever, the Grammys are stupid.

Day After Reaction: At least The Black Keys won this award. I’m glad I was wrong about this one, but it still does hurt to know that Mumford won Album of the Year. That’s a tough one to swallow.

6. Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance:

  • “I’m Alive” by Anthrax
  • “Love Bites (So Do I) by Halestorm (Winner)
  • “Blood Brothers” by Iron Maiden
  • “Ghost Walking” by Lamb of God
  • “No Reflection” by Marilyn Manson
  • “Whose Life (Is It Anyways?) by Megadeth

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: I’m not really a Lamb of God fan, but I do appreciate what they do for metal in America. They should win because they have the best song out of the bunch. I really wonder if the people who nominate these songs even listen to the records. Isn’t Iron Maiden nominated nearly every year? And that Manson song is pretty generic.

Day After Reaction: Hey Grammy voters, were you getting high before you vote? Seriously?  I’m not even sure what to make of this. When I was predicting yesterday, I figured that Halestorm had no chance because…..well, it’s Halestorm. Yup. Wrong again. I should stay away from Grammy guessing.

7. Best Rock Album:

  • El Camino by The Black Keys (Winner)
  • Mylo Xyloto by Coldplay
  • The 2nd Law by Muse
  • Wrecking Ball by Bruce Springsteen
  • Blunderbuss by Jack White

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: I really want Jack White to win something, cause he’s a badass. I would’ve selected him to win this, but he’s up against Springsteen. And c’mon, he’s “The Boss” and he wrote (another) great record. It’s not like that dubstep influenced shit stain from Muse has a chance. They are such a good band, but they took like 3 steps backwards with that turkey of a record.

Day After Reaction: I suppose I can’t be upset with this from a objective standpoint. Personally though, I think Bruce should’ve taken this category. Twice. At least it wasn’t Coldplay…

8. Best Alternative Music Album:

  • The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver Of The Screw And Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do by Fiona Apple
  • Biophilia by Bjork
  • Making Mirrors by Gotye (Winner)
  • Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming by M83
  • Bad As Me by Tom Waits

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: I really enjoyed the M83 record, but Bjork is back to being awesome. Biophilia is easily my favorite record from her in years. Also, I want to see her accept an award wearing something ridiculous too. Bjork is rad. Fiona would’ve gotten consideration (cause she’s awesome too) but she really needs to quit fucking around with stupid titles for her records. Not cool.

Day After Reaction: Hey voters, mix it up a little huh? I know that everyone loves Gotye, but c’mon. If the voters considered presentation, Bjork would’ve won this in a landslide.

9. Best Rap Album:

  • Take Care by Drake (Winner)
  • Food & Liquor II: The Great American Rap Album, pt. 1 by Lupe Fiasco
  • Life Is Good by Nas 
  • Undun by The Roots
  • God Forgives, I Don’t by Rick Ross
  • Based On A T.R.U. Story by 2 Chainz

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: Life Is Good was a solid album from beginning to end. This was a true “return to form” record that critics are always talking about. Nas should win this award easily.

Day After Reaction: Goddamnit. Two things come to mind when I see this. First, how am I so bad at making these predictions. And Second, HOW DID DRAKE BEAT OUT NAS???? The stupidity behind these results is baffling at best.

10. Best Pop Duo/Group Performance:

  • “Shake It Out” by Florence & The Machine
  • “We Are Young” Fun. featuring Janelle Monae
  • “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye featuring Kimbra (Winner)
  • “Sexy And I Know It” by LMFAO
  • “Payphone” by Maroon 5 & Wiz Khalifa

Gutter Bubbles’ Take: I feel like Florence & The Machine should win this award. Not only is this a pretty impressive track, but Florence herself has an amazing, powerful voice. And she is scary. She was a guest singer on “Gimmie Shelter”at a Rolling Stones concert a few months back and she looked like she was gonna kill Mick Jagger with her voice. That alone was amazing.  Not to mention that she is a ginger too. As long as LMFAO doesn’t win I’m happy. But this is the Grammys, so I’m sure sanity won’t prevail.

Day After Reaction: Yup, I was right. Sanity didn’t prevail. In fact, sanity stood up and walked right the fuck out of the Staples Center before the show even started. Again, Gotye wrote a pretty awesome song (and album.) but for god sakes, spread the love a little bit.

So that’s it. I suppose we will see how I did tonight, but if you’re anything like me, you probably won’t even watch the Grammys. I’ll probably just do something else, but I’ll definitely check the results tomorrow to see how I did. If you are watching the show, have fun, but remember, just because an album sells a ton or wins a Grammy, doesn’t make it “good.” There is a bunch of great music out there that will not be represented tonight. Seek it out and never settle for less.

Twitter: @Gutter_Bubbles

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About the author:
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I am absolutely and unabashedly in love with music. If I could eat a huge bowl of songs for breakfast every morning, I totally would. I'm obsessive about categorization (don't mess with my chronological or alphabetical) and can't stand an unorganized iTunes library. Outside of music and writing, I love baseball (go Rockies), coffee, corgi's and going on fun trips with my girlfriend!


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