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Gutter Bubbles Guide to the Grammys 2014

It’s that time again. You know…the Grammys. I know, you’re probably reading that, pissing and moaning about how the Grammys are complete bullshit. If that’s you, you’re probably not too far off with your thoughts. But for all of the shortcomings that the Grammys offer the music world, they also do some good stuff. I don’t doubt that they help introduce people to new music or that they throw one or two awards out every year to artists that actually deserve to win. Hell, this year’s closing act is also a combination of Nine Inch Nails/Queens of the Stone Age/Dave Grohl and Lindsey Buckingham, so they managed to get something right.

Like we did last year, we are going to make our picks for the top awards of the ceremony. It should be a lot of fun because admittedly, we are pretty out of touch with “popular” music, so many of our selections are gonna be snap decisions! Who knows, maybe we will get everything right and then be invited to vote next year! That would be awesome! Like a fucking Grammy wildcard!

Our predictions are in bold. We will update the following day with the real winners and our reactions!


Record of the Year

  • “Get Lucky” from Random Access Memories by Daft Punk (WINNER)
  • “Radioactive” from Night Visions by Imagine Dragons
  • “Royals” from Pure Heroine by Lorde
  • “Locked Out of Heaven” from Unorthodox Jukebox by Bruno Mars
  • “Blurred Lines” from Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke

Gutter Bubbles Take: I’ve got a bad feeling about this category. I don’t think the people in charge of voting would hand over the Record of the Year trophy to Robin Thicke for that absolute turd of a song, but who knows. I think it’ll probably end up going to Daft Punk for “Get Lucky” cause that song absolutely refuses to go away.

Day After Reaction: Boom! Solid start to my predictions. I suppose that it would be pretty hard for the Grammy voters to not give Daft Punk the nod on this song. Was it the best song on this list? I don’t think so, but it was the only one that you are pretty much guaranteed to hear everyday.


Album of the Year

  • The Blessed Unrest by Sara Bareilles
  • Random Access Memories by Daft Punk (WINNER)
  • Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City by Kendrick Lamar
  • The Heist by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
  • Red by Taylor Swift

Gutter Bubbles Take: Again, I think Daft Punk is gonna take this award home. I didn’t necessarily dislike this record, but it didn’t blow me away like it did the rest of…well…everyone. To me it just sounds like a Pharrell album. Seriously, how does that dude keep selling the same fucking record over and over again?

Day After Reaction: Holy shit! I’m two for two?! Again, it was kind of hard to go against Daft Punk in this category. None of the other albums that were nominated had as much impact as Random Access Memories did. Let this be a lesson to other artists. You wanna win a Grammy? Just find Pharrell and let him make your band sound like everything else he’s done. Grammy folks fucking love Pharrell.


Song of the Year

  • “Just Give Me A Reason” by Pink (feat. Nate Ruess)
  • “Locked Out of Heaven” by Bruno Mars
  • “Roar” by Katy Perry
  • “Royals” by Lorde (WINNER)
  • “Same Love” by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (feat. Mary Lambert)

Gutter Bubbles Take: The Bruno Mars track should take this award home. I don’t give a shit who you are, if you heard “Locked Out of Heaven” anytime in the last year, you were dancing along (or at the very least tapping your foot). This song is badass. Hell, it should win just for the bass line alone.

Day After Reaction: This category was pretty botched. Look, I dig Lorde and her song is pretty great, but was her song universal? I don’t think so. That Bruno Mars joint on the other hand totally was! Everyone loved that shit, regardless of age, race, class…etc. Seriously, “Locked Out Of Heaven” is the fucking jam.


Best New Artist

  • James Blake
  • Kendrick Lamar
  • Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (WINNER)
  • Kacey Musgraves
  • Ed Sheeran

Gutter Bubbles Take: God damn, the Grammy folks really have a hard on for Macklemore and Ryan Lewis huh? Admittedly, I never listened to that album, but damn near everyone else did, so I’m gonna say they get the win on this one.

Day After Reaction: That was a pretty easy category to call. Again, damn near everyone likes these dudes. No one else on this list has the mass appeal of these guys. And how did Ed Sheeran even get on this list in the first place? He was up for a Grammy for Song of the Year last year, so uhhhh….how does that make him a new artist? Don’t be stupid Grammys.


Best Rock Performance

  • “Always Alright” by Alabama Shakes
  • “The Stars (Are Out Tonight)” by David Bowie
  • “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons (WINNER)
  • “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin
  • “My God Is The Sun” by Queens of the Stone Age
  • “I’m Shakin'” by Jack White

Gutter Bubbles Take: Really, if any of these songs won it wouldn’t be a complete disgrace, but I’m pulling for Led Zeppelin to win the Grammy for a couple of reasons. First, it would be hilarious to see them win an award for such an old song, but second (and more importantly) if they win, it may just convince them to finally give the world what they want and tour already.

Day After Reaction: Does it make me angry that this song won? No, not really. Aside from the Queens of the Stone Age and Jack White songs, none of these songs really held any water for me. All of them are just kind of there. I guess we are talking about the Grammys though, so mediocre should be expected at the very least.


Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance

  • “T.N.T.” by Anthrax
  • “God Is Dead?” by Black Sabbath (WINNER)
  • “The Enemy Inside” by Dream Theater
  • “In Due Time” by Killswitch Engage
  • “Room 24” by Volbeat (feat. King Diamond)

Gutter Bubbles Take: Jesus Christ, what an embarrassing selection of songs. Do the Grammy voters even understand what metal is, cause I don’t know if I’ve ever heard of Dream Theater being referred to as a metal band. Whatever, this shit is stupid. I’m gonna pick Anthrax cause Scott Ian is rad and the rest of Anthrax seem like pretty down to earth guys (and I like ’em the most).

Day After Reaction: At least it was Sabbath that won. I don’t understand why the “metal” category is so difficult for the Grammy voters. Y’all need to do your research and quit nominating shit that doesn’t even make sense. Look, I would assume that the majority of metal bands probably don’t give a shit about the Grammys. At the same time, I’m sure they understand the cultural significance of them. People get fucking pumped about the Grammys and use them to discover new music, but they aren’t learning a god damn thing from the Metal category. Seriously Grammys, get your shit together.


Best Rock Album

  • 13 by Black Sabbath
  • The Next Day by David Bowie
  • Mechanical Bull by Kings of Leon
  • Celebration Day by Led Zeppelin (WINNER)
  • …Like Clockwork by Queens of the Stone Age
  • Psychedelic Pill by Neil Young with Crazy Horse

Gutter Bubbles Take: Wait, I’m confused. Is Black Sabbath a metal band or a rock band? Make up your mind Grammy people. Again, I would like to see Led Zepp win, but I get the feeling that Bowie is gonna win this one. That’s actually not a bad thing either. Maybe if he won, he would play a few shows again? We can only hope…

Day After Reaction: OK, I would understand Led Zeppelin winning a Grammy for a song, but winning the Best Rock Album for a live album comprised of songs that have been around for nearly 30 years is fucking ludicrous. Again, none of the albums nominated really blew me away, but at least they were all NEW MUSIC! I see that I was hoping for Zepp to win this yesterday, and I have no excuse for my actions. I must’ve been drunk.


Best Alternative Music Album

  • The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You by Neko Case
  • Trouble Will Find Me by The National
  • Hesitation Marks by Nine Inch Nails
  • Lonerism by Tame Impala
  • Modern Vampires of the City by Vampire Weekend (WINNER)

Gutter Bubbles Take: OK, a few thoughts here. First off, Neko Case should win this award if for no other reason than because she had the gumption to name her album something that long. The voters should award it to her just to see the presenter fuck it up. Really, Nine Inch Nails should win this award easily, but this is the Grammys and the Grammys do stupid shit, so I’m gonna say that the turdfest that is Vampire Weekend will take home the Grammy.

Day After Reaction: It’s the musical prophecy of the year! Go on, take a moment and read what I wrote about this yesterday…….nothing more that I can say about this.


Best Rap Album

  • Nothing Was the Same by Drake
  • Magna Carta…Holy Grail by Jay-Z
  • Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City by Kendrick Lamar
  • The Heist by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (WINNER)
  • Yeezus by Kanye West

Gutter Bubbles Take: There’s been a lot of criticism over the past year about Yeezus. Really, there’s a ton of people out there that fucking hated that record. I am not one of those people. I thought Yeezus was rad. Sure, it may not be an original sound or even really comparable to his other albums, but it was fun to listen to. Most mainstream artists don’t take such big risks with their music, so Kanye should be rewarded for that alone. Besides, it would be fun to hear all the crazy shit he would say if he did win!

Day After Reaction: I don’t really know what to say about this. Kanye got fucking snubbed. Hell, even Kendrick got the short end with this one. It bears repeating to say that I don’t dislike Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. Hell, I don’t know enough about them to give an educated argument, but I can’t honestly believe that they had the best Rap Album (that honor should’ve gone to Run the Jewels).


Best Pop Duo/Group Performance

  • “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk (feat. Pharrell and Nile Rodgers) (WINNER)
  • “Just Give Me A Reason” by Pink (feat. Nate Ruess)
  • “Stay” Rihanna (feat. Mikky Ekko)
  • “Blurred Lines” Robin Thicke (feat. T.I. and Pharrell)
  • “Suit & Tie” Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z

Gutter Bubbles Take: In a sweeping category of who really gives a shit, I’m gonna say that Robin Thicke finally wins an award for this nasty song. Seriously, this song is just gross. I can’t imagine saying anything like this to a woman without the fear of getting slapped in the face, but then again, I don’t look like Robin Thicke. Again Pharrell put his…sound…all over this song, which for whatever reason, people aren’t tired of yet, so it’ll probably win.

Day After Reaction: I don’t give enough of a shit about any of these songs to really care if I was right or wrong about my prediction.


So that’s it! Hopefully I got some of these predictions right but I’m not gonna hold my breath. If you tune in to the Grammys this weekend, have fun. I’ll update the list on Monday after the dust has settled and put my two cents in!

Twitter: @Gutter_Bubbles


About the author:
Has 290 Articles

I am absolutely and unabashedly in love with music. If I could eat a huge bowl of songs for breakfast every morning, I totally would. I'm obsessive about categorization (don't mess with my chronological or alphabetical) and can't stand an unorganized iTunes library. Outside of music and writing, I love baseball (go Rockies), coffee, corgi's and going on fun trips with my girlfriend!


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